I grew up in the church. Not from a super young age but starting at the very impressionable age of 11. Early on I realized that following the acceptance of Christ you were inbued with the Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit, the third member of the Holy Trinity, sent to us after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, to help guide Christians once the physical person of Christ was no longer amoung mankind. In Romans 8 the role of the Spirit is outlined as:

As Christ has set us free from a life served in bondage to the law, we now walk according to the Spirit. And the Spirit of God dwells in us, the believers. And anyone who does not have the Spirit does not belong to Him (vs 9). The chapter ends celebrating the adoption into the family of God by through the redemption of our bodies and displaying the Fruits of the Spirit. Displaying the Fruits of the Spirit are central the demonstration of a changed life in Christ, The thing the sets us apart from non-believers and the sign for the hope of things to come. At the core of my current spiritual crisis is my doubt in the existence of Fruits of the Spirit within the Chrisitian community.

The Fruits of the Holy Spirit are outlined in the episitle to the Galatians in Chapter 5 ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.’ (vs 22).

I look around me, at the many many Christians I know, some displaying the fruits of the Spirit more prominently than others. Many, many, myself included, barely displaying most of the fruits, even some of the time. That would be okay, as we are all a work in process. But where my doubts really begin to break down is when I examine the many non Christian friends I have. Many of them don’t display all the fruits of the Spirit either, or at least not most them, but many they do display some of them. And some of these friends display these attributes far more strongly than many of the people who profess a life in Christ and are purportedly given over to the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

So my mind began to ponder this and I racked my brain for those among me who displayed a life changed, a life evident of a transformation into living according to the Spirit and not by the law. And when I examine those Christians around me; my lovely and amazing sister with kindness beyond measure, the elderly spiritual giants at my church, displaying wisdom beyond years lived, my father transformed from a life of drugs and other temptations, transformed to a man of God, and lastly my amazing life partner, who displays the entire list everyday of his life. But when I look more closely at these individuals, and others, what I really see are personalilty traits that leads them to be kinder, more patient, less forceful people. And when I look at the the non Christians in my life who also display what looks like Fruits of the Spirit and I see the same thing, personality types, not a decision or a life changing event that sets them apart.

So then the true test should be a display of Fruits of the Spirit in those who do not already have a personality that lends itself to kindness, and goodness and self control. To peace and patience, to love and joy. And I turn my gaze to myself. I have a text book type A personality; driven, outspoken, critical, opinionated, fearless and prone to taking over. I have spent my entire adult life trying hard, very hard, with all my might, to fight this person inside me, in order to display the Fruits of the Spirit. And to my great sadness, try as I might to beat down my type A self, it always comes roaring back with a vengance, stomping all over the poor struggling vines of the Fruits of Spirit. And not just me, so very many Christians display deeds of the flesh. Described as ‘immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissessions, factions, envying, drunkness, carousing, and things like these.’ (vs 19 – 21) Capital letter ‘C’ Church loves to focus on the items at the beginning and the end of this list, immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, drunkeness, and carousing. But so rarely do we hear much on the items in the middle of the list, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions and envying. In fact judging by the daily deluge to my email inbox from my family members that love to rail against anything democratic, supporting Obama, worring about the socialization of our society by promoting any form of welfare or caring for those less fortunate. Judging from my Christian friends who are quick to judge and rail against types of people, they don’t know. It is evident that there are many Christians who are exceling at this list at a much higher rate than the Fruits of the Spirit.

Fruit Dying on the Vine

I think the genesis of this doubt started with the display of fear and mistrust as our church went through a building campaign. Watching so many people being afraid to step out in faith, unable to imagine a facility that would serve people other than ourselves. Lastly not even willing to be incovienced to park elsewhere during construction phases even at the expense of visitors curious about the changes in action but never to return and the lack of parking was a sure sign of a closed door to them. So many of the people I church with every Sunday have a laundry list of complaints about any and every little thing, a spirit much more similar to mine, one of judging and criticism, instead of kindness and gentleness.

The media has been ripe with hints of this from the blog post on CNN about how Christians can be so mean online. Just google the phrase ‘Why are Christians so Mean’ you will be sadden and amazed at the amount written on this very topic.

Another example is the recent decision by Anne Rice to ‘leave’ Christianity.

So my mind wonders, maybe, just maybe there is no such thing as the Spirit of God, or at least a Spirit that leads us to the Fruits of the Spirit. But so very much of the New Testament centers around a life with the Holy Spirit, transformed for the rest of the world to see. But if I can’t see this in the world around me, perhaps it isn’t really there. And if that isn’t true, then what else isn’t true? Jesus, the body of Christ, God the Father? And as you can guess the whole house of cards that is Christianity starts to come down around me. And since I have spent my whole life trying to live under these beliefs, you have no idea how disorienting and scary it is on the other side of these beliefs.

So sitting in church or among other Christians where it is inevitable that the topic will turn to how Christians should behave has become painful, so I have taken a break. Rarely do I get a chance to think through the deep complexities of what I am truly pondering but maybe getting this in writing will help me continue the journey to find out what is up with the Fruits of the Spirit.

My random thoughts lately bring me back to some previous posts on things like the Tea Party movement. The lack of movement in the Congress (I am sorry but just saying no to everything and then saying ‘well they didn’t ask nicely, is not a winning strategy). The ever present spin machine trying to make the Obama Administration treatment of suspected terrorists look like a position that is soft on terrorism when they are doing nothing substantially different than the Bush administration. The sad state of the Health Care Reform Bill and many other topics that are covered ad naseum in other sites.

So instead of musing political in that vein I am going to head a slightly different direction and challenge you all to think about Empathy as a Social Movement.

I heard this very interesting conversation about a month ago on KQED’s Forum program with Jeremy Rifkin about his new book “The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis” which posited the theory that our great nation and planet as a whole is still operating the Manifest Destiny philosophy and get it is time we change that mentality and teach a new lesson to the upcoming generations that prepares them for the ‘Third Industrial Revolution.

You can listen to that conversation here.

I generally don’t like New Year’s Resolutions but a new year also brings the thoughts about what new things we might want to explore or accomplish: So here is my list. I reserve the right to update this at any point.

1) Try a new local restaurant I have never been to each month.
2) Keep up with at least daily updates on Twitter.
3) Help my team write really good development plans for 2009.
4) Camp at least 4 times this year. (Hurrah for new camp stove).
5) Try a new beer each month at our regular WAP (Work Avoidance Program).
6) See a new foreign film each month (thank you Netflix).
7) Install a new floor downstairs.
Help John learn to drive my car before he gets his permit. (Hurrah for manual transmissions)
9) Help The Service Project become a vital ministry at our church.
and the long shot….
10) Get off the continent.

And how did I do?

1) Try a new local restaurant I have never been to each month. This was the best resolution ever, I highly recommend you try this one yourself. New restaurants are born each month and it keeps you from being in a rut, at least foodwise.

2) Keep up with at least daily updates on Twitter. - Well not so good on this one, but if you add Facebook to the mix then success. Not sure that is such a good thing though.

3) Help my team write really good development plans for 2009. - So so, some of them reached for the stars, others still can’t grasp the concept. A year of lots of changes though, and I think a stronger team than ever.

4) Camp at least 4 times this year. (Hurrah for new camp stove). – Utter failure, not one camping adventure last year. Sad face.

5) Try a new beer each month at our regular WAP (Work Avoidance Program). - Success but harder than it sounds. Since WAP occurs at one of three places each month it was hard to find things I hadn’t tried yet. But never the less a success. I discovered Smithwicks (and that it is pronounced Smiticks), love it. I discovered I hate Chimay Trappist Ale. Yuck. And that Stella Artois is way overblown and nothing to get your panties in wad over.

6) See a new foreign film each month (thank you Netflix). – Mixed bag, I did well the first part of the year and saw some great films. Nine Queens from Argentina. Children of Heaven from Iran. Pan’s Labryrinth from Spain. Character from The Netherlands. Mananagar from India. All great films and mind expanding. I recommend them all. Think I need to renew this one.

7) Install a new floor downstairs. - YESSSS! Thanks to the Mattman. Men I highly recommend you plan and do a big project for your honey. I will do wonders for your sex life.

8. Help John learn to drive my car before he gets his permit. (Hurrah for manual transmissions) - Well he can start, stop and shift from 1st to 2nd but so far he is afraid to drive a manual, oh well.

9) Help The Service Project become a vital ministry at our church. – Not so great on this one. We lost alot of steam on this one this year. Not really sure why. This next year I really need to find a new place at my church home. Couples group? Outreach? Not sure yet. Your thoughts?

10) Get off the continent. – Not yet, but at least I am headed to the other side in 10 days.

And now for 2010:

1) Try a new local restarant each month. Huge success, gonna keep it up.

2) Learn to cook Indian food. Curry, Rice, Raitas. Bought some books today for inspiration.

2) Camping twice this year. Okay let’s scale this back and see what happens. It looks promising. The J’ohnson’s are at looking at Memorial Day for the annual trip to Yosemite. Hope it pans out.

3) Bartend an event. I want a new challenge and a chance to work on my muddling skills.

4) Finish The Prisoner series from Netflix before the new series debuts. Only have about 12 episides to go. So one or two a month should do it.

5) Persue a grad degree this year. Thinking about Human Resources. Let’s see what is possible.

6) Get new planter boxes for tomatoes and peppers built. Matt, hint hint.

7) Go one month as a vegetarian.

Take a once a week sabbaitical from the internet. I pick Sundays.

9) Okay try this again, one foreign film per month. I think I need to print this list so I can remember and be inspiried.

10) Read 25 books from my Shelfari list.

Vicky’s Shelfari List

Anyone else just a bit annoyed with the conservative right and their new found disgust over our tax policies? Funny how they were quite satisfied with the status quo for the last 8 years as long as all those tax breaks went to the wealthiest and least in need. But alas I digress…

So by now you have heard about all the teabagging planned for tax day right?. If you have no idea what I am talking about then watch this:

I can’t seem to escape hearing about this no matter where I turn. Even here on WordPress, my first encounter this evening was this post featured on the front page:

101 Tea Party Slogans

So it occured to me, what makes tea more enjoyable? How about sugar in your tea. So if you want to send a message this tax day or 4th of July or any day inbetween, that you are fed up with the fed up, send a packet of sugar, or equal or whatever sweetener you like, to your congressman or woman, senator, governor, or heck even Fox news.

Cause like Mary Poppins always says, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

Problem is not all the information is even information and most of the information is irrelevant or redundant. So how to find what you really need? I don’t actually have the answers, I am curious though. What are your ideas? What do you use to filter the information overload? Let me know.

March 24th is remembered by some as Ada Lovelace day. For those of you who have no idea who Ada Lovelace is, let us get acquainted. Ada Lovelace was the first child of famous poet Lord Byron and as he was disappointed in her gender and took no real interest in her, her mother took to schooling her in mathematics and science to prove her worth to both her father and society. Born in 1815 to high society where women were not expected to have a career or even a higher education, Ada was something of an anomaly. It is said that her mother exposed Ada to mathematics and science to root out the madness that Lord Byron was purported to show. Lord Byron clearly given to whatever proclivity overcame him and famous for many affairs and improper sexual relationships of the day, was not necessarily mad, but one can see why his wife might claim him to be.

But why a day to remember the scorned child of a famous author? Because Ada was famous in her own right and many say 150 years ahead of her time. Ada befriended inventor, philosopher and mechanical engineer Charles Babbage. Charles Babbage conceived of a machine to help with mathematical calculations called the Analytical Engine . Ada is best remembered for writing a translation and annotation to a paper describing the Analytical Engine that was so detailed and included a way to calculate numbers using the Engine, that many proclaim was the foundation of programming and she is credited with conceiving of the idea of software 100 years before it would be required.

And so on this day we are encouraged to remember women in technology as a way of honoring those who come before us.

I want to recognize two amazing women I have had the privilege to know in my amazing accidental career in high tech.

Joanna, whom I met in my most recent job, is in the very unsexy high tech field of capital equipment. Joanna is about 15 years older than me. I can remember the first time I saw a computer, it was in a very large room at my university and we had to feed it cards to get our statistics data out of it. This was closely followed by the arrival of brand new Apple Macintosh personal computers that our school was testing. Before I even laid eyes on the giant Vax at school, Joanna was working in a lab at Intel hand processing 2 inch wafers that would become the precursors to the 8086 processor chip technology. She has the most amazing stories to tell about the early days in Intel. And the most fascinating mind who loves to discuss things like Jazz music and early California history.

Alison is almost her complete opposite. 15 years younger than me, Alison never really knew a life without computers. Finishing high school in 3 years with one abroad in Argentina, she graduated valedictorian but was not admitted to Stanford because she did not have 4 years of high school class work. She instead chose NYU and entered the medical program but quickly discovered she didn’t really want to be a doctor. Switching to computer science, she let her analytical skills run wild. Employed by Netscape pre IPO, and having served a stint at a major cell phone provider bought out by one the largest cell phone companies in France, Orange. She most recently serves as head of technical support for a large email security provider. Alison is the most intelligent and yet compassionate (they are sometimes mutually exclusive) woman in business I know. She completely understands what technology can bring our a crazy over connected lives and utilizes it to the fullest but not at the expense of personal relationships and personal fulfillment.

These two very different ladies bookmark the opposite ends of an amazing time in our history and technological advancement that I like to compare to a life spanning the invention of electricity. There are some many wonderful things that computer technology has unfolded for us and many more that I cannot even dream of. So thank you Ada, for giving us the ideas that helped spawn a tech revolution and for being in a woman in technology far ahead of your time.

Some day more people may know who Ada Lovelace is than know her famous father. She left us a far more valuable gift and today in her honor I say thank you.

Okay a little background to explain why we have what we like to call ‘reincarnation TV’.

In 2007 we decided to make a major life change and ditched cable. It was a somewhat monetary decision but was primarily based on an experiment to see how our lives would change.

We LOVED it. The most amazing thing was after just a few months of no cable, Christmas rolled around. Our lovely children deprived of endless commercials had a completely amazing gift wish list. There were tons of the useless things that were on endless commercials that they were no longer aware of. We loved it. They read more books, we read more books. We played family games together almost once a week. It wasn’t that we never turned the TV on, we did. Of course we still used it for watching DVDs, our Netflix cue was finally under control. We even plugged in the occasional video tape. We could get a few channels from the attenae, which meant we could still watch SNL whenever we got the urge. And perhaps most importantly we turned to places like CBS, ABC, and NBC online and then with great relish we discovered Hulu and other streaming television. We were in 7th heaven.

Fast forward to Feb 2009 and FCC had been pushing hard for a transfer of all broadcast stations to move to a digital format. And even though they pushed that plan out to later this year, one of our local stations (the one with Nascar on it) already made the move to digital.

Now even though we had made a major move away from consuming tons of TV we had upgraded our set to a flat panel HD. So we were ready and set the TV up to receive a digital signal. Now unbeknownst to me, the Mattman had negotiated an upgrade to our internet service with Comcast and since the price was cheaper to bundle faster download speeds with cable, we had signed up for cable again but never connected it to our TV.

Converting the TV to it’s digital input gave us amazing images and this led the Mattman to wonder if we would get any other new channels with our HD setup. He then remembered we had some cable service (we assumed the most basic kind) and he plugged the cable in.

And alas reincarnation TV was born. We get some basic local networks, most of the PBS stations and here is the weird part. No other typical basic cable channels, like CNN or TNT, Discovery, etc. We get MTV and Cartoon Network. But the best part is we get a bunch of channels that are either premium or pay per view. This past weekend we have confirmed the following movies:

Twilight

Milk

How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

Australia

Madagascar 2

Changeling

Mamma Mia

Now we call it reincarnation TV cause we will start watching one of these movies and then all of sudden it will rewind or fast forward or switch to some other movie or network like CSPAN. It means that whenever we turn on the TV we never know what we are going to get or for how long. At first we were confused but I think we have decided we kind of like it. It lends a certain amount of adventure to watching TV that you just don’t expect.

I assume we are somehow connected to someone else’s system, either their dish or DVR set up and so we are at the mercy of what they are into (for example today the Handmaid’s Tale was on and it kept forwarding to the naughty parts). We had called Comcast to come and sort us out the first week but since they came on the wrong day and we missed them, we have decided we like this and we don’t want them to fix it.

And there you have it, reincarnation TV, because one show will die and another will come and take it’s place. It’s fun. Too bad you can’t try it.

For many years we have watched as those in other countries protest and chant “Death to America”. I heard an interview with someone from Iran recently who was stating that this does not necessarily mean death to the people of America but to their ideals and vices which are contrary to the teachings of Islam.

I think with our current economic environment we might finally be putting some of these vices to death in ways that no armed conflict or attack could ever acheive.

And the one American vice most likely to change: Greed

I was having dinner with a friend last week and he brought up the fact that the new economic climate might mean a signigificant shift in the way we live our lives in America. It should come as no surprise to any walking talking citizen that we have been on a spend it now, pay for it later binge for far too long. Here are just a few statistics to prove my point:

According to an article by Stacy Mitchell at www.newrules.org:

“Between 1990 and 2005, the amount of retail space per capita in the U.S. doubled from 19 to 38 square feet, while per capita retail spending has increased by only about 14 percent. In the last year alone, developers built 143 million square feet of new shopping centers and bigbox stores.”

We have shopped and shopped. Bought cheaper and cheaper products (that break or fall apart sooner and sooner, necessitating yet another purchase). We no longer know how long a blender should last, what it should really cost and what it should cost to sustain a reliable work force.

We are completly caught up in newer, cheaper, smaller, and newer. Yes newer seems to be the overwhelming marketing strategy. How many new kinds of potato chips, crackers, oatmeal and any other number of food products, does the grocery store need to roll out each week to entice us back into Walmart?

As the recent bank bailouts have illuminated, we have been on the short side of make money now and worry about the consequences later. As much as we would like to say that the executives and stock brokers have been the ones to have the short view, it really has been all of us. We have been living large, buying cheap, throwing away and buying again like there is no tomorrow.

But sadly tommorrow has come. And for most of us things are like a really bad hangover. We all just want to jump into bed and go back to sleep until this is all over. But I think this change will ultimately be a good thing for America. We need to rediscover things like value, sustainability, reasonable consumption, and most importantly living within our means. And maybe, just maybe, we will put a dent in our Greed. And put to death one of the things that make us the target of those around the world.

I have been a manager of people for over 10 years. I have hired and fired and sadly during this time, seen my fair share of layoffs. Some layoffs are clearly an opportunity to clean out deadwood but other are ones that cut deeply and competent, well intentioned people are let go. I have set in on many meetings where a group of managers have to make the gut wrenching decisions on who will get the axe. Have you ever wondered how those decisions are usually made? Well here is a little glimpse.

You could be on that list if:

- You often respond to new ideas with “we tried that and it didn’t work” or “that won’t work” or “that will be too much work”.
Now this may be true but then again it might not be. The person who always poo poos ideas and is a general pessimist generally isn’t fun to work with and begins to be perceived as difficult to work with and perhaps even avoiding work. If there really is a good reason why you think an idea is flawed be fact based, quote statistics if available, outline other alternatives, and in a worst case scenario, let them discover for themselves why it was a bad idea.

- You often criticize others and rarely praise others.
Some people deserve criticism and no one trusts someone who never says something bad about someone else. But if your comments weigh too heavily to the critical side, then you are likely to be perceived as over judgemental, inflexible and generally people begin to want to avoid you. What better to avoid you than recommend you be one of those who is let go.

- You are a constant procrastinator or have be asked multiple times to complete something.
I am your boss, not your mom. I don’t want to nag. I hired a highly competent professional and expect that you can manage what I asked. If at the time I asked there was an unrealistic goal, you need to speak up then and renegotiate or at the very least renegotiate during the project if you feel the deadline will be missed. Waiting for me to ask you where something is, is too late.

- You are really quiet and afraid to make any waves.
Sure it is bad idea to be too negative or too vocal but it also risky to be too quiet. Everyone at every level in every position needs to have some element of marketing to their job. If others don’t know what you do, why and how you do a good job and can recommend improvements then I am not likely to be able to defend why you should keep your job.

Who is likely to make the cut?

People who are:

- Generally upbeat.
- Are willing to take on new tasks.
- Get things done on time.

You would think these ideas are a no brainer but you would be surprised how many people I have worked with and currently work with who just don’t seem to grasp the obvious.

Good luck in the next RIF.
-

The implements
- A small plastic bowl, good for cereal
- A small glass bowl, good for microwaving small amounts.
- A small glass pan, good for microwaving moderate amounts.
- A large noodle bowl, usually used to make salads.
- A small dipping bowl, usually for soy sauce or other dipping sauces.
- A spoon, knife and fork, for the obvious.
- A small nalgene bottle for water. (Doubles as water source for plants.)
- A large nalgene bottle in which I make iced tea almost everyday.
- Two insulated tumblers, usually for hot tea, rarely coffee.
- A medium size cutting board, for cutting up bread and other baked goods.
- A bread knife, see above.
- A small storage container for leftovers.
- 3 small reusable storage containers with screw lids.
- A medium storage container for leftovers.
- 10 sets of chopsticks (they always give me two when I order sushi and I only use one)
- A box of zip lock bags
- A box of tea sacks for loose tea.

The ingredients:
- 4 boxes of tea, assortment of black, Earl Grey, Green Tea and Chrysanthemum.
- 1 large box of Korean Ginger Root Tea
- 3 small canisters of loose Chinese Tea, Ti Kuan Yin, Jasmine & Tung Ting Oolong
- 1 medium bag of blueberry walnut granola
- 1 medium bag of rice krispies
- 1 medium bag of cheerios
- 1 medium bar of Ghirardelli Mint Chocolate
- 2 packets of hot chocolate mix
- A bag of handfuls of dried cranberries
- Medium Zip-lock Bag of Salted Pecans
- Small bag of Candied Pecans
- Small bag of Candied Walnuts
- Medium bag of Sunny Cranberry Trail Mix
- Medium bag of dried Cherries
- 1 box Vinta Crackers
- 1 box Roasted Gorgonzola Crackers
- 1 Tub Chocolate Chip Cookies
- 1 very small bottle Maggi
- Small bottle of honey
- 2 boxes of Jaipur Vegetables from Trader Joes
- 1 box of Pav Bhaji (potatoes, tomatoes and veggies) from Trader Joes
- 1 box of Dal Makhani (black lentils and red kidney beans) from Trader Joes
- Small boxes of assorted cereals
- Giant box of Fiber One Granola Bars (bad idea as I can only eat 1/2 at a time, damn Costco)

In Mini Fridge:
- 4 bags frozen jasmine rice
- 1 bag frozen Gnocchi in Gorgonzola Cream Sauce
- 1 Container of Meat Lasagna from Trader Joes
- 1 Container of Chicken Sausage and Polenta from Trader Joes
- 1 Large bag of fresh baby Spinach
- 1 Container of Crumbled Goat Cheese
- 1 Container of Crumbled Gorgonzola
- Bottle of Sweet Chili Dipping Sauce
- Bottle of Sweet Chili with Kaffir Lime Dipping Sauce
- Small Nalgene Bottle of Coffeemate Plain
- Jar of Whole Grain Dijon Mustard
- 6 can Coke Zero
- Jar of Poppyseed Dressing
- Bottle of Balsamic Vinaigrette
- Bottle of Champagne Pear Vinaigrette
- Small Container of Fresh Roasted Beets
- Small Container of Steamed Lentils

I think I am ready for the Apocalypse. Come on over if you get peckish.